I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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