My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
