Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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