If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Randomize
