I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
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