apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
He did a backflip because drugs
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