Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
