I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
