I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
