the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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