That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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