Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
