I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
