I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Randomize
