the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
