I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
