At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
