I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
