And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
