I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize