And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize
