he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
