I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize