why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Randomize
