writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
My vagina just recognized that song.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
