somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
