i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
