Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Houston, we have a blender
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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