So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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