He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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