non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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