im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
