so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
