paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
