went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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