I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
So many bounce houses so little time
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
