how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
He passed out mid-signature
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize