I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize
