dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
