College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize