She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
