I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
