I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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