you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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