I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
