Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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