There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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