Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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