I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
