I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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