A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
