Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
He? As in you personified your dick?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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