I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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