So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Randomize
