He disabled his match.com account in front of me
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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