I smell stomach acid.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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