Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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