Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
