Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I think my moral compass just broke
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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