we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
where are my eyebrows?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
