I think my fart just growled at me.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
