Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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