My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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