Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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